Tag Archives: now

So much pressure

5 Apr

This week the editorial staff at work is conducting interviews for the summer internship. More times than not, the interviewees arrive plenty early and have to wait in the lobby (what good little go-getters) giving me time to chat them up. This afternoon a bright-eyed, curly red-head came in and announced she was here for her interview, with an enthusiasm I knew too well. We got to talking and she told me she was a freshman at USC, she grew up in the Valley, and went to Harvard Westlake (a very high-end private school that only accepts extreme success, not unsimilar to my own high school). Her first question to me was “Did you always want to be a lifestyle journalist?” I thought it was such an interesting way to ask a question, so specific. I was actually caught off guard and struggled to answer. So I turned the question back on her, her response “As long as I can remember.” I congratulated her on starting on the right path to success so early in her career. In truth, I was jealous, I had no idea this is where I’d be right now, and had I known that I wanted to be journalist (which I am not even sure if that is what I want to be) I would have been doing the exact same thing, trying to interview at the best place possible to get ahead of everyone else. This must be the reason that right now I feel so behind. With every new life path I choose to take, I always feel I am behind because everyone knew they wanted to do that job for their whole lives. I was raised based on the idea that you must work harder than everyone else to achieve success, so how can I even compete with people who have years of experience on me?  The answer is that I need to let go of the pressure I put on myself. I know there is no way to plan, life with play itself out the way its going to, and I really have no direct control over that. I need to see that the work I do now is not to compete but to grow. Even knowing these things, I can’t help but wish that I could go back just four years and choose differently, take different classes, do other internships, explore even more so I could be better prepared for now.